part two.

dear internet,

i've never been one who has been able to keep a secret. i guess perhaps that's because it's not in my nature. i've always thought of myself as someone who is honest and open in nearly all facets of my life. but i think as i get older, there are some things that need to change. i need to have something that's just for me. so i'm starting this blog. it doesn't matter to me if people follow this blog or not. it's just a forum for me to talk about the world, to vent about my coworkers, to be a snarky little bitch, and to stop pestering my cat with my problems. my cat is not a therapist, and i suppose, neither are you, internet.

for anyone who does stumble across this little diary of randomly collected musings, the only thing i'm willing to admit right now is that i'm a writer. or i suppose you might more accurately say "copywriter" since the work i do is pretty much a bastardized form of writing that i'm not even remotely proud of. if i had a dollar for every instance in which i'm told to dumb down my work for a mass audience, i wouldn't have to work anymore.

i think this has been an interesting year. i published my first novel last spring, and i'm slowly coming to the realization that it's just a big gigantic failure. where the blame lies, i'm not entirely sure, but i would imagine a large part of it falls on me. it's not that my book is bad, or that i don't stand behind it, i think it's more about the fact that i didn't have the confidence to shop it around. i've never thought of myself as a fragile person, but i think in this aspect, it's true. i put so much of myself into my book that it's hard to be disconnected from it. i almost don't even like to bring up the fact that i wrote it anymore. it's just out there.

i'm not sure how i should feel about it.

now i work in advertising and i feel like a hollow shill. what i do for a living is over very little importance to anyone other than some office fat cats who collect paychecks. i write every day, but i'm not really writing. it's creative, but again, it's not really creative. the end result is to communicate to a consumer about a product most people don't even need.

i have a feeling this blog is going to become something cynical and bitter. maybe i can add some humor to it in the end.

sigh. no, scratch that. it sounds pathetic. i think i'll just leave this post with an m dash. there's more to come...in the future i'll be bitching about clients, coworkers, vaginas (you can interpret that how you will), and the slow onslaught of a hot and humid summer.

until then –